Category: Philosophy

Working with people who are good at what they do…

There is a lot to be said for working with people who are good at what they do… I’ve been lucky enough over the years to work with a lot of experts. People who excel at their jobs and go out of their way to provide excellent service.

Then I tried to buy a house.

Oh my lordy is this an industry that needs to go on a serious diet and lose some fat.

Property seems to be one of those black box industries where you’re expected to just nod and smile while they withdraw large sums of money from your bank account and imply that you’re really way too dumb to understand where it’s all going and why… much like the Travel Industry… And I’ve worked in the travel industry for about 6 years so my BS radar is quite effective.

I could go on and on about how incredibly bad some of the experiences I’ve had over the past few weeks are… People who never get back to me… Agents who drag me to dodgy locations late at night only to discover the owner of the house isn’t there… Agents who make appointments with me and then cancel 5 minutes before the meeting because they ‘didn’t actually organise it‘… but I won’t because there are very good people out there who need some praise.

Firstly, and I must admit I am surprised by this, Ooba… specifically Colin from Ooba. This is a guy who has repeatedly surprised me by how efficient he is and how willing he is to take time to explain things in detail. He ALWAYS calls back, always replies to my emails, and always seems exceedingly knowledgeable in his area of expertise. I get the impression I’m dealing with a guy who is genuinely passionate about homeloans and passionate about excellent service. All that without ever saying “We’re passionate about…”. The few dealings I’ve had with the banks, INCLUDING MY OWN FRIGGEN BANK, have been painful, tiresome and actually left me more confused than I started.

UPDATE 2014: While I still stand by my original statement re Ooba, when we bought again in late 2013 I found my joy with Ooba dwindled… I had far greater success doing the legwork and dealing with the banks directly. It was a fracking painful and time consuming process but in the end we got the bond.

Secondly, I’ve realised that there is a BIG difference between a good estate agent and a bad estate agent. The good ones take time to consider what you’re looking for, they don’t waste your time with rubbish. They call back when they need to, they don’t try and pressure you into making a purchase by spinning bullshit about the economy and how rare ‘a place like this is’… They use email and embrace the internet. They don’t lie or misrepresent the truth. Good agents won’t badmouth other agents while showing you around a property and they wont moan at you on the phone if you happen to agree to see a place with someone else because they didn’t get back to you in time. Good agents will spend a rainy night in observatory driving you around from location to location and be honest about the condition and “accuracy” of the owners asking price. Good agents will also deal with tricky owners and tenants and get you into properties where others have failed.

So here is a list of agents who get my nod of approval:

  • Christian from Rose Eedes in Observatory.
  • Leigh and Sharon Ball from Sharon Ball Properties.

Not a very long list is it? Considering I’ve dealt with about 15…

Also I’d like to thank Michael R. for giving me lots of good advice on the bond stuff… it’s nice to have a friend who can point out any pitfalls when you’re about to drop a fortune on a house.

A public service announcement

It has come to my attention that a lot of people are using phrases like ‘totally flipping awesome‘ without knowing how they relate to events that are ‘friggin rad‘. In an effort to correct any misunderstandings I’m going to lay out a few of the more frequently used descriptors and their relative measurements.

Firstly, you need to understand and be able to identify the common units of measure. For example, totally-flipping-awesomeness is measured in awesomepoints while friggen-radness is measured in Rads.

Super implies a factor of 10. There are 1000 awesomepoints in 1 awesome. Therefore super-awesome scores 10000 awesomepoints.

Totally-flipping-awesome is slightly harder to distil to naked awesomepoints because of the conjunctive nature of using ‘totally’ and ‘flipping’ together. The most commonly accepted method is to multiply anything prefixed with ‘totally’ by 12.478 (Borat’s Constant). Flipping, as we all know, implies that the suffix is squared and then divided by 500 before applying any prefixes. Therefore Totally-Flipping-Awesome scores 24956 awesomepoints. (much higher than super-awesome)

As mentioned before, friggen-radness is measured in Rads (Named after Johannes Rad of the first naval infantry). At 6000 Rads an event reaches Radness. Friggen indicates a multiplier of 7. Therefore Friggen-Rad measures 42000 Rads.

Converting between awesomepoints and Rads is quite difficult as it requires first defining a constant using Brownian motion as a stable clock source. While many scientists disagree with the specific number, it has been widely accepted that the number ‘3’ is as ‘near-as-dammit’. ‘Near-as-dammit’ is another scientific term I will explain in a future paper.

Therefore if we convert our 24956 awesomepoints to Rads we see that Totally-Flipping-Awesome scores roughly 74868 Rads; Significantly higher than Friggen-Rad’s 42000 Rads.

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Coming soon: Do you know how to convert between metric-shit-tons and imperial-pant-loads? I’ll show you an easy trick for conversions you can do in your head!

Observations from the weekend.

  • I made up an awesome pasta sauce based on “what we had around”:
    Put in a saucepan and mix:

    1. 1 can of tinned tomato and onion mix
    2. Two smoked chicken breasts cut into slices
    3. 1 can of tomato mix (Basically tomato and onion mix without the onion)
    4. One piquant pepper (thinly sliced)
    5. Handfull of chopped parsley
    6. Half a teaspoon of crushed garlic (More if you like)
    7. Half a teaspoon of chopped ginger
    8. A big handfull (or two) of a good quality grated mozzarella or gouda
    9. 25ml (table spoon) of Nandos Wild Herb Peri Peri (Double this if you like hot stuff)
    10. Salt and pepper to taste

    Serve with whichever pasta floats your boat and beer.

  • It is amazing how long you can forgo the need to eat when you are busy hacking electronics in a cold garage.
  • I saw two girls (12ish) in a bookshop, one was reading a book on Mayan Mythology and the other was reading an entire book about Zak Effron. This reminded me of a conversation I had with someone else about the hot girls from school who ended up nowhere in life.
  • I distinctly despise being told to do something by someone who can not give me a rational reason for the intstruction. A Cape Union Mart manager dude told me to leave the shop because they had previously had a power cut. The power was back on, but apparently the policy was to close the shop anyway. “But the power is back on” I said… “Yes, but it’s procedure” he replied,  “Why?” I asked. “Because it’s procedure”. His procedure hadn’t been relayed to the rest of his staff because as we walked out they were happily standing by the door as more people walked in.
  • Never watch a movie at Cape Gate. While the “common” people might be entertaining to watch as you walk around the mall, it is particularly NOT entertaining when you have to sit next to a kid who is loudly chewing on bubble gum with his mouth open the entire way through the movie, WITH his father sitting next to him doing absolutely nothing. Trailer trash.
  • I met a girl I’ve heard about for about 4 years but never met. She is every bit as wonderful as I had heard. It’s awesome to see someone in a relationship with someone they were enfatuated with 4 years ago.
  • It is very unawesome when one of your good friends starts to fall into the same stupid trap they’ve been in for the last 3 years… all over again. YES YOU! STOP IT!
  • We had home made bread and tinned soup for supper last night. I guess weekend cuisine can be in the shape of a tin after all.

In defense of food

If you’ve got an hour I suggest you watch this video. Michael Pollan, author of various books, most recently “In Defence of Food“, introduces his book and attempts to break down the modern incorrect societal theories we have of food.

I particularly appreciate his analogy of the food scientists playing the role of priests acting as mediators between us and the magical (invisible) nutrients… priests who also get paid more when we eat more.


The KPMG Consultant and the Fisherman

A KPMG (Business) Consultant is holidaying on the Spanish Coast when early one morning while sipping his cappuccino he spots a fisherman bringing in a small catch of fish. The following morning the same KPMG consultant sees that same fisherman, again bringing in a small catch.

The KPMG consultant can not contain himself so he walks over from his seaside villa’s private patio and begins a conversation with the fisherman.

KPMG: You know if you stayed out a bit longer I’m sure you’d catch more fish.

Fisherman: Yes, but why?

KPMG: Well if you caught more fish you’d have more money!

Fisherman: Yes, but why?

KPMG: Well if you had more money you could buy yourself another boat and employ some other fisherman!

Fisherman: Yes, but why?

KPMG: Well, the astute thing to do would be to start a company with a fleet of boats or perhaps even a franchise!

Fisherman: Yes, but why?

KPMG: Well, you’d make millions. You could control the entire fishing industry and build a large successful chain of international fishing businesses.

Fisherman: Yes, but why?

KPMG: You’d be rich, absolutely stinking rich!

Fisherman: Yes, but WHY would I want to be rich?

KPMG: Well, with all that money you could afford to retire early … (suddenly looking despondent) … at the sea… perhaps on the Spanish Coast, and go fishing in the morning…. (starting to look ill) and spend the rest of the day with your children and lovely wife.

Fisherman: My wife’s got some oats on the stove… would you like to come over for breakfast and meet the kids?

I’m struck by this story every time I think about it… I can’t remember where I first heard it but it is definitely something to think about. This past week I saw many fishermen. My parents have a gardener who looks after their property at the Breede river. He gardens for a lot of the houses there but doesn’t really work all that hard. Most of the time he’s probably sitting up on a hill watching the beautiful view and smoking his pipe.

Every time we go to the river my dad says “I can’t wait to retire here”.

For the record…

Me: which one have you got?
Him: Nikon S9
Me: why do you regret it?
Him: it takes bad pictures indoors. very bad. my vivitar did *much* better, and it was a cheaper camera.
Him: and it has an internal zoom lens, which makes me feel less manly.
Me: I just want to check, what was my advice regarding digital cameras?
Him: yes, I know, you were right
Him: this is the last time I’m trusting a blonde girl over a Jonathan. I SWEAR.

For the record, my advice regarding digital cameras is “Buy the most expensive Canon camera you can afford“.