You lose Computicket, YOU LOSE!

Never before have I been so floored by the absolute uselessness of an online process as I was 2 weeks ago when I tried to use Nu Metro’s online booking process powered by Computicket.

The Computicket site requires Java to run. I run Linux, so even though I’m able to install Java I chose not to for security reasons. So, I load up my virtual machine and browse the site using Internet Explorer 7 under windows. Off to a bad start.

Lets have a look at the site. First of all, the color scheme is terrible. It looks like something put together by a color blind person in 1994. I love the way they have taken advantage of the Internet Explorer’s customizable scroll bars, because, like, red and yellow are classy.

Next up we have the interface. At first it looks ok. Then you start using your brain. The blue box is the cinema. Check. The white dot is the cursor. You wonder, where are the seats? Are they all available? Am I losing my mind.

You assume simply that maybe the entire cinema is empty. On the right you click the up arrow twice to select that you want 2 tickets. Then you click somewhere. hoping to find an open seat.

(If you’re seeing this in an aggregated form, the rest of this story is on my site)

Next it asks you what kind of tickets you want. AWESOME, the seats must be available. You ponder this for a second noticing that momentum must be free. You select full price and click “Request Tickets”.

You’re greeted with the worlds best dialog. EVAR. Take a moment to read the text.

No, no, NO, The dots don’t indicate anything.

But shit, I only have 3 minutes to pay for them… Oh noes!

So I click the only button I can which takes me back the same page I was at before. Empty “cinema” and a little white dot.

I once again select 2 tickets and click a random point on the diagram and again select “full price” and am again presented with this same dialog telling me that I will be sitting in two seats that are aren’t available.

This is a friggen joke. Are they seriously telling me that I need to keep on clicking on random f$#king points until I magically find one that is available???

After trying repeatedly and getting nowhere, I decided to try another cinema, maybe this cinema was just full? Or maybe I was just not lucky. Every time I was told the tickets weren’t available I had the option of keeping the tickets or changing them. Orly? Do I?

Maybe the cinema I’m trying to get two seats in is actually completely full? Would it have told me if I was fighting a futile battle? Lets have a look at another cinema. Maybe I’ll be luckier next time. After all, this cinema supposedly only has mono sound. Hmmm.

Ok, off to Canal Walk.

O.M.G. Salvador Dali designed my Cinema. I swear, this is awesome. Ok, so I start clicking randomly and eventually I win, finding two available seats. In your face computicket. I beat you.

But wait… I have red dots and the legend on the right side says that my red dots mean poor availability. I ignore this. I don’t know what it means. Moving on, lets pay.

I’ve designed quite a few credit card forms in my life. This one is interesting. Firstly, why is the “name” field so much smaller than the “Surname” field?

And what’s this? Budget Period? 4 years to pay off my R58 movie tickets?

I resisted the urge to click it fearing they might stuff something up and bill me R58 every month for 4 years.

I ignore the fact that all the fields are compulsory and for some or other reason they want my phone number. I give them a fake number, but since I want to get an email invoice I chose to give them a valid email address.

Wait, lets read their terms and conditions. Ah there it is… it was pretty obvious it had to be there.

“Computicket may from time to time inform you of new Computicket listed promotional material on behalf of our clients…” But I *have* to give them my email address in order to complete the transaction. Computicket = Spammers.

This entire process is retarded. But I fill in my details and click “Pay Now”. The transaction is approved and I wait for the email. Some of the choice quotes:

“PLEASE NOTE: Tickets booked cannot be cancelled, changed or refunded”

“If the ticket details are incorrect, please phone 083 915 8000”

“PLEASE CHECK ALL DETAILS CAREFULLY!”

So like, which is it? Can I change the details or can’t I?

All in all a thoroughly painful process that took waaay too long to complete. Whether you dislike flash or not, the Ster Kinekor process is a lot easier.

Thanks for listening.

J.