“The Rest Of The World” continues to live up to my expectations…

A while ago I created this for graphjam:

It should be obvious to most of the readers of my blog that the use of “Tigers” and the placement of “Sudan” was purposeful.

Unfortunately half the commenters seem to be dumb people called “Brittany” (guess where she’s from) who are just clever enough to check the wikipedia article on tigers and yet not quite clever enough to grasp the point of the map.

Um, shouldn’t this be on Failblog? There are no tigers in Africa.

and:

Perhaps this should be on failblog due to the completely inaccurate placement of the Sudan.

With first prize going to this gentleman:

Technically most countries in africa carry no international significance. that’s the whole point of this map. and my lol’s.

I only wish I could convince myself that he’s trying to be incredibly sarcastic… but I can’t.

:(

Comments (2)

Miracle Mops and the Egg Cracker 6000

Yesterday Lynnae and I went to the Homemakers Expo and the best thing about it was that I got a free back-issue Popular Mechanics which will live aside the toilet for the next few weeks. The second best thing was that we had media passes and didn’t waste R45 getting in.

I guess the problem with shows like this is that all the big vendors are totally over them. Why else would companies like Defy, Bosch, Smeg etc not be there? I can only imagine (as someone who has a tiny bit of trade show experience) that these companies learnt a long time ago that trade shows cost a bucketload of cash to put together and generally just frustrate your staff who end up having to work on weekends.

Nobody buys anything at trade shows, except, Wonder Mops (and other idiotic things like an egg cracking device).

Wait, picture this: We walk past a stand for something along the lines of “The Amazing Egg Cracker 6000″. Lynnae sighs and wants to walk on, but I, in a trainwreckian desire to hurt myself decide I *have* to know how they sell this thing. I walk over and ask for a demonstration. So the poor girl, who’s run out of eggs, begins “So what’s the problem with cracking eggs? Simple, you crack it on the side of the pan and egg ends up on your fingers, eggshells in the pan, and you invariably break the yolk!” she says, like she’s probably said over a thousand times in the last 5 hours. She looks up at me for that reciprocal head-nod.

I shake my head and say “Not really”.

She’s momentarily stunned by then carries on undeterred, “Well, with the Miracle Egg 6000 that’ll never happen again, you just put the egg in the device and squeeze the handle and instantly you have a perfectly cracked egg.”

“Thanks” I said as I walked away. I imagine that this is a wonderful invention for people with physical disabilities but for everyone else I think you’d be better off just buying 6 eggs and practicing on a Sunday afternoon. I’ve perfected (with a little help from my private chef) the single egg separation technique where you separate the egg white and yolk with the egg shell… Gotta learn how to do that with one hand though.

But, slightly more mind blowing than the egg cracker 6000 is the perpetual rollout of Wonder Mops and Miracle Orange Fibre stuff. The perveyors of this modern day snake oil have their routine so slick that you find yourself entranced by the bright colours and the disturbingly charming man with the Britney Spears microphone and smooth talking demeanor who occationally winks at the woman in the front row.

I was reminded of the old Westerns where the travelling salesmen stands beside his wagon and annouces his miracle cures for athritis and the black lung. Often telling the townsfolk that it is the most popular thing in the big cities and was invented in New York!

If there is one thing I remember from my youth (and we’re talking 20 years ago now) it’s the miracle mops, incredible dirt trapping floor mats and designed by NASA multicoloured dusters being sold at tradeshows (like Design For Living etc)… WHAT THE HELL DOES NASA NEED A MULTICOLOURED DUSTER FOR?

People! Nothing has changed in the past 20 years… Just like your multi-action, triple-flex, anti-bacterial, pro-enzyme, plaque-fighting toothbrush with the matrix-eque 3D graphics advertisements, everything at tradeshows is a big lie to make you pay too much for crap you don’t actually need.

Which is why the people who sell stuff you do actually need aren’t at the trade shows.

over.

Comments (1)

On Customer Service…

Why must I be an asshole to get stuff done?

For about 3 years I’ve used Vodacom 3G without hassles. My usage has been random and it’s never made sense to buy a bunde (500mb). I just moved to woodstock and am going to be living without real internet for 2 months so, in an attempt to not be too broken by the R2 a megabyte charges, I “enabled” a 500mb ad-hoc bundle.

Within 5 minutes I got an SMS saying that my bundle had been activated.

That’s when my 3G stopped working.

Numerous calls on saturday and sunday left me dumbfounded. I heard the same story over and over again. Supposedly they had inadvertantly deactivated my data services on my account and just had to re-enable it and everything would be hunky dory again.

They’ve done that 4 times now, over 3 days, and it still isn’t working.

I’ve been told before that team leaders would call me back, that consultants would call me back… etc etc. NOBODY has called me back. Sounds a lot like Telkom actually.

I’ve now dealt with a callcenter team leader called Shakiel who supposedly is going to fix my problem… but it’s going to take 4 hours to “activate” the data services… He will supposedly call me at 5pm.

So when I needed 3G the most it completely fell apart. Well done Vodacom, your brilliance astounds me. Idiots!

UPDATE: It’s working again. Thanks to Sonny at Vodacom. It seems being as asshole works.

Comments (2)

Cracking zip passwords with fcrackzip

If you run a decent OS (linux) you should be able to:

sudo apt-get install fcrackzip

Then read the man page but know that there is one little gotcha. fcrackzip’s default brute force starting length is 5 characters and by default it will run up to 6 characters. The gotcha of course is that if your password is 4 characters long you will never find it. So always run it with the -l flag and start at 1.

jonathan@jonathan:~/Desktop$ fcrackzip secret.zip –verbose -b -l 1-10 -u
found file ‘fool.swf’, (size cp/uc  87763/172969, flags 9, chk 6136)
found file ‘file.exe’, (size cp/uc 632452/1176497, flags 9, chk 614d)
found file ‘logo.jpg’, (size cp/uc  49916/ 51346, flags 9, chk 6113)
found file ‘code.txt’, (size cp/uc   5661/ 34639, flags 9, chk 6141)
checking pw g:*~

PASSWORD FOUND!!!!: pw == idea

Easy peasy. It finds that password in 0.796 seconds.

Someone owes me a beer :)

Comments (1)

Long week, crazy weekend…

Monday was my birthday party, Tuesday was drinks with Pieter (the gay farmer from Augrabies), Wednesday was my actual birthday and dinner with the folks, which left thursday and friday night to essentially pack up my entire life into boxes. Which we did. 45 boxes to be exact, plus a crapload of furniture.

So on saturday morning my moving guys arrived and started hauling. I decided a few years ago that moving my own stuff is out of the question since it would require days and days of moving in my car, and, even if I could hire a bakkie, I would hate to have to carry a couch down 5 flights of stairs, and still take a ridiculous number of trips to get the job done.

So, by about 3pm on Saturday I was completely moved into Lynnae’s flat, which is a temporary arrangement until we can move into our house in 2 months.  (Speak to me if you need a reliable and cheap mover)

So we spent the rest of Saturday sorting through stuff and packing cupboards. Sunday was our domestic day; we went shopping for drill bits, I fixed the toilet seat, went to fruit and veg city and made strawberry jam (from scratch). Oh, and we made an awesome curry for supper that is also going to be tonight’s supper.

Now I need a holiday.

Comments

Moving…

I have a panel antenna and a wrap board waiting...I’m moving to Woodstock on Saturday for 2 (maybe 3) months. This is this morning’s XKCD. Serendipity is crazy. Although I won’t be using the cantenna that Lourens and I actually did make ourselves — because my 14 dbi panel antenna is a little more reliable.

Speaking of moving; we spent last night packing stuff into boxes, I think we’re about 60% of the way and, as usual, I can’t believe the amount of crap I have. It’s not that it’s junk, it’s just stuff…

Luckily most of the stuff is just going to stay in boxes until we move into the house in Obs.

Thank god for movers & girlfriends!

ps. I am looking for a cheap supplier of BNC connectors (male and female)… does anyone have any they want to flog or know of somewhere that sells them at reasonable prices?

(I really need to fix this wordpress template so I don’t need to do this.)

Comments (1)

CAKE!

I’m having the best birthday evar! Thanks to everyone who’s making it so awesome, but most of all to Lynnae for being the world’s best girlfriend!

Charly’s Bakery is quite surreal; when you walk in the door it feels a little like you just stepped onto a scene from Charlie and The Chocolate Factory. I will keep you posted on how good the cake tasted.

Over and Out!

J.

Comments (4)

Mail and Guardian letting it Slip (Knot)

I have the luxury of not being a journalist.

Mail and Guardian on the other hand doesn’t have that luxury. That’s why when I saw this: “Krugersdorp school rocked by ‘Satanic’ killing” I sighed quietly to myself. The article would be perfectly at home in Die Son and uses phrases like ‘crazy-eyes’ and ’satanic-like ritual’

Here’s the deal. A kid who was obviously a little fucked in his head took a sword to school and stabbed a few other kids (one of whom died) and some of the school gardeners (who no doubt were trying to stop him). That is all. There is no need to try and justify his actions with claims of satanism or his music interests, or, for gods sake, the amount of time he spends on the internet. I’m sure he also played violent computer games; just like pretty much every other fucking kid in his school, who, for record, didn’t stab anyone with a sword yesterday.

These sorts of things happen, and they are tragedies, and they are possibly preventable, but not by censoring the kind of music your kid listens to, or freaking out because they bought a cheap sword at the Chinese knock-off shop around the corner, or banning the internet in your home. The only way to (possibly) prevent things like this happening is to be more aware of your child’s emotional well being, and, should you think your child might be a little nuts, get them to a psychologist who can either help them, or send your paranoid parent ass home because your kid is actually normal.

It seems like society is always looking for an excuse to justify our behavior. We blame MixIt for infidelity and computer games for violent kids… but we forget that a 70 years ago kids were being exposed to far more violence in the form of a World War and had access to more artillery than our current defense force, but they didn’t go to school and shoot up the classroom.

There’s also a stupid trend where people claim an unstoppable addiction to idiotic things like smoking, pornography and alcohol. They claim they have a disease because they can’t not buy that next box of smokes, or drink that next glass of scotch. Like Kyle so brilliantly said to his father in South Park, “No dad, you don’t have a disease, you just need to stop drinking so much”. If you don’t have the willpower to stop smoking, rather just admit to having no self control than muddying the waters for people with real  problems.

So please, journalists of the world, stop looking for reasons… back in the old days people were just plain old nuts if they stabbed their school friends … I liked those days. Can’t we please go back?

————–

Update: After a long discussion with Gavin, who knows a thing or two about mental issues, I must note that I agree that kids are doing this more now days than they were 100 years ago, and that the reasons for that must be something societal.

So maybe modern society (and everything that entails from bad foreign policy to violent movies) is to blame as the catalyst that triggers kids (and people) who are completely fucking nuts, to do stuff like this… but the key is, they were completely fucking nuts to start with.

The crux of my post was this; Journalism like this is likely to have a few thousand mothers confiscating their kid’s swords and slipknot CD’s, only further increasing the divide between them and their kids, which, will no doubt make them far less able to detect real signs of the kind of insanity that actually drives kids to kill their school friends, not to mention just plain old bad parenting.

Like Terri says, we want easy answers, not hard, complicated ones like ‘perhaps it’s a mixture of bad parenting and George Bush’s unjust war that kills thousands of innocent people every month, and violent movies and economic depression and the chemicals in our food and a bad case of ‘insane in the membrane’.

Comments (8)

Breakfast on Table Mountain

Lynnae and I set out relatively early and had breakfast on Table Mountain (Bacon and Eggs Baby!!). Thereafter we hiked via all the dams and then made our way back home via Nursery Valley. About 13km in total.

See the video:

That is all.

Comments (1)

What’s wrong with blogging these days

I started blogging about 10 years ago. Yes, way before the term ‘blog’ existed I had a website and I wrote stuff on it. I wasn’t the first either, I was just a guy taking advantage of the fact that the internet gave me a way to get my ideas “out there”… even if it meant that the only people who ever read my stuff were my 4 friends.

Problem #1 - Just because you’re on the internet doesn’t mean you matter.

Talking shit about people doesn’t make you famous or powerful. It seems that some people have confused ‘pissing people off’ with ‘having an influence’. If you’re going to talk smack you’d better have big balls to take the criticism. Also, don’t shit on your doorstep, it’s ugly and the people around you will find it hard to be your friend afterwards. As much as I’m all for honesty and freedom of speech, it needs to be leashed to a good dose of old fashioned decency.

Problem #2 - Sell outs

While I don’t take my blog all that seriously, I do take pride in it and wouldn’t polute it for any material gain, whether it’s pay-per-post or a stupid ‘viral’ campaign that results in someone winning a tshirt. If you want to run advertisements then by all means do so, but don’t sell your opinion to anyone, whether the price is a brand new car or a set of free stickers.

Problem #3 - Inane writing is clogging the tubes.

I’m not against anyone who wants to chronicle their life online. It’s fun looking back at your life through the eyes of your blog. I’m not talking about posts that are simply boring because the people who wrote them live boring lives. I’m talking about the kind of post that painfully chronicles your opinion on subject A, where subject A is something nobody cares about and your opionion only makes it more painful. We’re all allowed some boring posts every now and again. It’s an indulgence. The sad thing is that some people seem to repetedly push out these kinds of posts and never write anything even remotely interesting. That is why feed readers are so awesome; you can pick and choose who you want to read and leave out all the boring people. Still though, ask yourself this simple question before you hit “publish”… Will this matter to anyone, including myself, in 20 days time.

Comments (2)

« Previous entries